Nordic_redhaired_Bvll said:
I always struggle to accept that "women can't be incels because they can just have sex". The term incel has been watered down over the years I get that but if we purely go by the definition "involuntarily celibate" then most if not all self proclaimed incels cease to be incels. Because most "incels" I have seen tend to be like average guys that don't try enough (Granted the reason is often mental illness, etc. But girls struggle with mental illness like that too and we don't grant them the same excuse somehow?) Mid to even ugly guys get laid like all the time, it's not that hard actually (again with caveats trying to get laid 24/7 is probably really bad for you mentally). There are studies that show that the one factor that determines how much you have sex is how hard you try to get it.
Then there might be a subsect of men that can't have sex because of unchangeable characteristics. But even then if you are able to hold down a job and get a little bit of money then you can just buy a prostitute. But the general consensus in incel circles seem to be that this doesn't count. But then I almost have to say that getting laid from a man that just uses you for your body and has no real attraction to you does not count either cuz in both cases it's a cold exchange.
People tend to forget that the original love-shy forum was for people struggling with a specific shyness around potential romantic partners which is severe enough as to inhibit them in dating altogether. Something women absolutely can have.
Very few "truecels" exist. Incelism seems to mostly be a mental thing. Saying women can get laid anytime anywhere is just as reductive as me saying "incels just need to try harder lmao then they can get laid".
The discourse in incel circles also seem to be that love has to be involved somehow for sex to count, but when it's about women then it turns solely towards sex and I just don't really buy it. If anything it's more over if you are an ugly girl than if you are an ugly guy because studies show that men care about appearance a lot more than women, and men are able to compensate if they are ugly (by being rich, charismatic etc) But women are more defined by their appearance first. (sorry for not sourcing any sources I am dead tired and just wanted to contribute to the conversation)
In that regard I agree, because by pure definitions of the word celibate, neither men nor women can be either with enough work. I will stress though that unattractive/socially off men will have a much harder time than women of the same caliber in getting not just sex but love and a committed relationship. I'm not budging on this issue. I don't doubt that there are women who are so undesirable in whatever way that they can fall into the category of being a 'femcel' but it's still just silly to me. No, just because men value attractiveness more than women does not mean its more over for women who are ugly, because men don't JUST value attractiveness but a variety of complimentary values that women can always work on or cultivate. Like being pleasant to be around, having skillset that the man might not have himself (like cooking, or sewing, or whatever), offering an escape from the harshness of life's struggles idk SOMETHING